"The tend and befriend theory emphasises the evolutionary and psychological significance of fostering strong social networks and caring for others, as it enhances not only individual well-being but also the overall health and resilience of communities."
Source: Dr. Shelley E. Taylor, Distinguished Research Professor, University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA)."
Throughout history, women have outlived their male counterparts, hinting at potential biological factors influencing longevity.
I recall the strong bonds formed by my mother and her friends during life's challenges, particularly after the loss of their partners. In these difficult times, the women came together to provide mutual support and leaned on their friendships for comfort. Interestingly, the men in their lives appeared to cope differently, often choosing to "soldier on" independently.
As time passed, it became evident that these solid social connections among women played a significant role in their resilience and overall well-being, potentially contributing to their longer lifespans than men.
The "tend and befriend" theory, introduced by Dr. Shelley Taylor, is centred on the notion that women have a natural inclination to nurture, care for others, and create social connections during times of stress. This behaviour, known as "tending," is often accompanied by "befriending," where women seek out and form close social bonds with others, especially other women.
This theory contrasts with the more common "fight or flight" response typically associated with stress.
Research suggests that the "tend and befriend" behaviour contributes to women's longevity in several ways:
Social Support: Strong social connections and networks provide emotional support, improving overall mental well-being and reducing stress. Studies have linked lower stress levels to a reduced risk of specific health problems, such as cardiovascular disease.
Caregiving Role: Women are often the primary caregivers in families, which fosters a sense of purpose and belonging. This role encourages women to maintain healthier habits and lifestyles to fulfil their responsibilities, contributing to a longer lifespan.
Hormonal Influences: The release of oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," is often associated with nurturing and bonding behaviours. Research indicates that oxytocin may have stress-reducing effects, potentially protecting women from the negative health impacts of chronic stress.
Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Women who prioritize social connections and relationships may be more likely to adopt healthier habits, such as maintaining a balanced diet and engaging in regular physical activity, which can lead to better overall health and longevity.
While the "tend and befriend" theory is not the only reason women generally live longer than men, it offers valuable insights into how social connections and behaviours can contribute to overall health and well-being.
Reflecting on personal experiences through a challenging midlife crisis, I appreciate the value of my close female friendships. During this challenging period, when it felt like my world was falling apart, the support and care I received from these women played a crucial role in my ability to persevere and emerge healthier. Although it may sound exaggerated, I genuinely believe that my life may have taken a very different path without their tender care and compassion. Their unwavering tending during this period has left a lasting impression on me and highlighted the profound impact of nurturing relationships on our well-being during challenging times.
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