Women and ageing: 'I’ve developed the courage to live my own truth' a picture essay

As I’ve gotten older, my sense of self has improved. When I was 30, I wanted to be 40. When I was 50 I wanted to be 60. I was always that person who knew intuitively that I wanted to be older.

I started modelling at 18 and, when I moved to Australia from London, I ran my own fashion PR company for 14 years. Six years ago I retrained as a counsellor. I am much happier because its more relevant to where I am right now.

You get to your 40s and you want your life to have purpose and you also want to contribute. In your 20s you’re really not thinking about that. For me, the positives of getting older are endless. I’m a lot more confident in who I am. I’m less worried about what people think of me. There’s a stage in your life when you understand this intellectually. But then you reach a stage where you understand this in your heart.

I’ve never been married or had children. I did want them but circumstances didn’t work out and, at 44, I decided to stop trying because I didn’t want to be an old, tired mother. Society tells us that our value is tied to being mothers but what if it doesn’t happen? On one hand, I can choose how I spend my time and my energy, and my friends with children sometimes envy my life. But on the other, I went through a long process of grieving and letting go.

I never got the message from my mother or older sisters that getting older was a negative. As a woman of African descent, it’s reaffirmed that ageing is something to look forward to. There is a big cultural difference. Some of my clients are white women in their 60s and have had corporate careers. They have this deep dread about going grey, being invisible. They didn’t realise that there was an alternative way of thinking. There’s no point longing for what you can’t get back.

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